Very, very rude funny cyclocross race report

[ninevirtues]

(NOT written by me; written by Tracie Nelson after the Velo Bella sponsored Halloween cyclocross race; as you can see, I am not the only one writing rude race reports that prominently feature body fluids....! warning RUDE! but funny...)

on the 31st day of october, my teammates gave to me... (deep breath)

31 sexy bruises
30 minutes of suffering
29 reasons for laughing
28 pumpkin cookies
27-year-old hot male racers
26 mucus-coated snot balls
25-mile high barriers
24 fattening doughnuts
23 costumed racers
22 bleeding brain cells
21 men in skinsuits
20 minutes of warm-up
19 Velo Bella racers racing
18 grimy grease-marks
17 sunburned faces
16 junior racers
15 muddy stains
14 smiling children
13 single speeders
12 clumsy dismounts
11 women in wigs
10 teammates cheering
9 feather boas
8 pink flamingos
7 pussing blisters
6 men in drag
5 GOLDEN WINGS!
4 bella slayers
3 french maids
2 brutal run-ups
and a man in a jock strap with a furry ass crack