Out to dinner
Mar. 27th, 2004 09:42 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
ninevirtuesSelf revelation and self-coaching today.
I went out to dinner last night with a friend from the bike shop and a friend of his. These were both older guys (55ish?)
I knew I was in for an experience when Mister New Guy (call him NG) referred to me, within five minutes of meeting me, as "little lady". It was indicative of his general attitude. Let's see, I can summarize it here:
"You're cute and charming company, but inherently less capable than me, because you are a lady. I will therefore treat you with deference but otherwise disregard you."
Well hmm. That made me wonder why the guys I know from the bike shop, who are the same age and who sometimes have the same upbringing, do not do that. I suspect it's because I can meet them and match them on a physical level, and they know and respect that. (When I had to bail out of a ride because my knee was hurting me, though, they would not let me go back by myself. Someone in the pack suddenly discovered a reason he had to be home early and went with me. I appreciated that, because I would have gotten lost trying to get home if he hadn't, but I plan to buy myself a Garmin GPS for my birthday. I hear they're down to a reasonable price.)
But back to last night: The dinner conversation covered graduate school, Alcatraz (I've swum from Alcatraz to the City twice), my previous career as a high-zoot QA engineer, and the fact that I drove myself out from the west coast in a 16' U-haul towing a car trailer. None of those revelations changed that guy's attitude. (Hmm, let's call it "considered incompetent due to gender until clearly proven otherwise.")
Do I need to tell ya that that attitude really irks me?
Mister New Guy works at a car dealership and used to race NASCAR. I suspect that if I'd walked up to a car and demonstrated clear competence with an engine, or with NASCAR driving, he'd change his attitude about me.... but even then he'd consider me an exception to the general rule.
Well now. This is not a guy I need to impress, or work with. He's just some guy. I do not need to prove my competence to him. He pushes my buttons, but hey, that is my problem. I do not need him to recognize that I AM competent for me to actually BE competent, no?
I went out to dinner last night with a friend from the bike shop and a friend of his. These were both older guys (55ish?)
I knew I was in for an experience when Mister New Guy (call him NG) referred to me, within five minutes of meeting me, as "little lady". It was indicative of his general attitude. Let's see, I can summarize it here:
"You're cute and charming company, but inherently less capable than me, because you are a lady. I will therefore treat you with deference but otherwise disregard you."
Well hmm. That made me wonder why the guys I know from the bike shop, who are the same age and who sometimes have the same upbringing, do not do that. I suspect it's because I can meet them and match them on a physical level, and they know and respect that. (When I had to bail out of a ride because my knee was hurting me, though, they would not let me go back by myself. Someone in the pack suddenly discovered a reason he had to be home early and went with me. I appreciated that, because I would have gotten lost trying to get home if he hadn't, but I plan to buy myself a Garmin GPS for my birthday. I hear they're down to a reasonable price.)
But back to last night: The dinner conversation covered graduate school, Alcatraz (I've swum from Alcatraz to the City twice), my previous career as a high-zoot QA engineer, and the fact that I drove myself out from the west coast in a 16' U-haul towing a car trailer. None of those revelations changed that guy's attitude. (Hmm, let's call it "considered incompetent due to gender until clearly proven otherwise.")
Do I need to tell ya that that attitude really irks me?
Mister New Guy works at a car dealership and used to race NASCAR. I suspect that if I'd walked up to a car and demonstrated clear competence with an engine, or with NASCAR driving, he'd change his attitude about me.... but even then he'd consider me an exception to the general rule.
Well now. This is not a guy I need to impress, or work with. He's just some guy. I do not need to prove my competence to him. He pushes my buttons, but hey, that is my problem. I do not need him to recognize that I AM competent for me to actually BE competent, no?
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no subject
Date: 2004-03-27 08:53 am (UTC)And actually, I think in his seeing you as an exception in the scenario where you were a car fanatic with racing experience and an engine under the hood, he'd still not see you as competent. The exception wouldn't be you in his eyes, it would be in the few things that he couldn't ignore.
Men like that are not idiots per say (which I used to think). They're a product of their times, which is even more sad.
On the geek side of things: Garmin makes nice GPS units. I have a little handheld eTrex (about $99 retail new) which has one problem: the serial port's shot. Now, because ALL I did with it was hook it up to various computing things, it's actually gone into Jarod's toybox. The screen, UI, GPS parts, all that work fine. If you want it, let me know where to ship it to you; it's yours for the asking, because it's not getting any use, which is really sad.
yes, please!
Date: 2004-03-27 02:19 pm (UTC)I'd love to have it.
oh yeah and....
Date: 2004-03-27 02:24 pm (UTC)"Men like this are not idiots. They are a product of their times."
That makes it a whole lot less personal. (It's not anything about ME that sets them off; it's their frame of reference. And it's funny how the world can change around you, but you can continue to apply your original, unchanged frame of reference to the now-changed world, and not notice that it no longer fits well.) Thanks!
no subject
Date: 2004-03-27 03:00 pm (UTC)My mic cable finally showed up. Is it too late for the project?
Re: oh yeah and....
Date: 2004-03-27 10:12 pm (UTC)Re: yes, please!
Date: 2004-03-27 10:13 pm (UTC)Great!
no,go for it
Date: 2004-03-29 04:16 am (UTC)and thanks again!
gail